


Bloody Tears

by Azurite9925



Category: Hellsing
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hopeful Ending, Post-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 14:31:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11785116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azurite9925/pseuds/Azurite9925
Summary: Years after her world collapsed around her, Integra just wants a moment to find comfort in the arms of the only person who never left her.





	Bloody Tears

**Bloody Tears**

 

Integra knew she was a stoic woman - she had been since she had to take over her organization. She was always unphased by the unsavory portions of her life. She lived her life under strict schedule - wake up at noon, go to bed at 4am, though some days it was later. Some days she wouldn’t get any sleep at all, what with being a Lord and Knight during the day, and her Vampires’ handler at night. Although… nowadays it was only a single vampire who was at her side. Her only side, for the other was abandoned by a man who feared more for his skin than cared more for Hellsing, for Integra. She didn’t like to think about it, and so she didn’t.

A soft knock echoed through the office. “Enter.” she absently murmured, still staring at the financial accounts in front of her. The door let out a soft creak and, after hearing the soft, uneven steps, realized it was simply Carmilla’s duckfeet with her tea and continued reading. Carmilla rested her tea on her table, watching Integra for a moment.

Integra paused - she wasn’t leaving. Integra looked up. “Is there something the matter, Carmilla?” She asked, brows furrowing slightly. The maid bit her lower lip, unsure. Integra, impatient with the maid’s timid nature and missing Walter, arched an eyebrow. “Well?”

“There’s a letter from Lady Penwood.” Integra nodded and took the offered paper. Still, Integra wondered why the maid was so rattled.

“Is there… anything else?”

“No, Sir Integra.”

“...You are dismissed.” The maid nodded and left the room with those uneven duck feet of hers, making Integra quirk her lips. Walter would have never been so obvious in his movements, he was too meticulously trained.

At the thought of Walter, Integra’s smile instantly died. It had been years, yes, but it still hurt to think of the father figure who had betrayed her so. Her chest ached with his very mention. The worst part was… Integra truly loved him. She loved Walter and, in a way, cherished Alucard as well, and slowly was growing to like the Police Girl and even tolerate the frenchman. She was getting a family.

And then everyone was ripped away.

Alucard, the Frenchman, and Walter were gone, the Police girl’s psyche was changed beyond familiarity, and Integra Fairbrooks Wingates Hellsing was left there, expected to stay stoic and steady beyond it all. Deep in her heart, though she did her job well, Integra knew that she was not a stoic woman.

Integra sighed and pushed her chair away from her table. She couldn’t manage financial accounts like this. Glancing at her watch, she smiled slightly. It was nearly midnight and no one but the guards, Carmilla and Seras would be awake. Absolutely no chance of someone wanting her to do something. She stood and took off her blazer, resting it on the back of her chair, and entered the hallway in her alabaster blouse, dark blue slacks and a scarlet cravat that was the same as Alucard’s. Integra couldn’t bear to take it off, even if it hurt at times.

The hallway was empty, simply long raven corridors with one wall adorned with the occasional portrait of an ancestor and the other wall was mostly windows facing the moon. Integra knew the Manor by heart after all these years, and didn’t really pay too much attention to where she was going, nowadays. A part of her still thought it was best for her to stay vigilant, but Integra was tired. She had her guns on her, of course, but some days…

She had too much work to do to consider such things. She stopped, realizing she was at the indoor firing range, and decided to enter. Maybe a few reps would ease her mind. She entered, grabbing her safety gear, and some extra ammunition for her favorite pistol. As she approached the actual range, she noticed that she wasn’t alone; Seras was at the range, as well. She was using a pistol, and upon further inspection, Integra noticed that it seemed quite outdated, and not as powerful as a normal pistol.

Integra waited for Seras to reload before speaking. “Good evening, Police Girl.” The vampire froze for a second and turned to face the knight.

“Good evenin’ Master.” Seras warmly chirped. And yet, her eyes didn’t have the light they used to have. She was still tired, even if she slept all day and only had the occasional mission at night. “What brings you here?”

Integra shrugged lightly. “Boredom.” She lied. She paused before asking what was on her mind. “Although, I do wonder why you use that gun, it’s pretty useless.”

Seras looked at the gun and then shrugged. “Normally I use anti-tank rifles, machine guns, the like, I hardly use pistols. This one has a nice kickback and it’s pretty.” Integra arched an eyebrow, and Seras showed Integra the grip of the gun, where there was a golden engravement - _Abraham Van Hellsing_ \- amongst other small embroideries and embellishments _._ Integra’s eyes widened slightly at her ancestor’s name, quickly realizing that the pistol was a ceremonial gun. She watched Seras with a small frown on her face.

“Seras, just where did you get this? It’s my ancestor’s, and it’s a ceremonial gun at that.” Integra asked slowly.

Seras blinked and then smiled tightly. “Well, I was in his room and it was beside his coffin and um, I…. wanted to try it. I missed him.” Seras said, taking a moment to clear her suddenly clogged throat. Integra froze, wondering just why Alucard had her ancestor’s gun. Although, considering it was Van Hellsing’s…. The bastard probably just wanted to gloat the death of one of his cruelest masters. Integra still didn’t quite believe the conclusion - Alucard wore Van Hellsing’s attire of his own will most days, so it couldn’t _just_ be hatred - but she went with it for the peace of her own mind.

“Sir Integra?” Seras’ questioning and almost worried look snapped Integra out of her thoughts. Her confusion must have been evident on her face.

“Nothing to worry about, Police Girl. Still, that gun is rather useless.” Integra commended. “Would you mind passing it to me?” Integra extended her hand. The vampire nodded and passed it over without much of a reaction. Integra took a good look at it, weighing it in her hands, before aiming it at Seras’ target and shooting.

To her surprise, it didn’t hit the bull’s eye - it was a tad off. Integra blinked, not sure when was the last time that happened on a gun that wasn’t brand new to her. “Master?” Integra faced Seras. “May I show you?” Integra nodded, and Seras walked behind her, pressing her front to Integra’s back as she adjusted Integra’s arm positioning. Integra numbly followed the blonde’s murmured instructions, suddenly realizing just how busty the vampire was….

“You can shoot now, Master.” Seras said. Integra blinked and glanced at Seras, who suddenly looked rather thoughtful, and then focused, shooting and hitting the target perfectly.

Integra handed the gun back to Seras with a nod in thanks. “When you’re done, could you give the gun to Maria? She can polish the thing and I can put it in the Ancestor’s Halls.”

Seras winced. “Actually… Can I keep it? It’s… well, Alucard’s.” Integra sighed, her heart throbbing at Alucard’s name. Seras waited for an answer, clutching the weapon close to her.

“Seras, it’s Van Hellsing’s. We don’t have too many of his things, and you know the Queen, she wants her history well preserved...” But at Seras’ hurt look, Integra couldn’t help but relent. “Fine. Just take good care of it, will you?” Seras’ face brightened in a way Integra hadn’t seen for a long time. Integra’s frustrated features melted into a warm wariness; she never could feel too negative towards the other woman.

A moment later, as Integra searched through the gun rack for something of her preference, Seras spoke. “Master, would you like to accompany me on a walk?”

Integra paused and turned, eyebrows furrowing slightly. “Any particular reason?”

Seras shrugged. “No, not really. I’d prefer it though.”

Integra considered the other woman for a moment before nodding.

The two stepped out of the range and into the main Manor, where they wandered the halls in comfortable silence before heading into the gardens. Integra sneaked glances at her accomplice out of the corner of her eye, wondering what was on her mind. Seras Victoria was hardly a quiet companion when she first came here - it seemed as if Hellsing’s mausoleum-esque atmosphere had seeped into her spirit over the years. Although, she did make it a bit more cheery. The new guards were hand selected, trained, and tended to by the vampire, and they had a deep loyalty to the organization, just as Seras wanted all those years ago. Integra sometimes wondered why she couldn’t do the same, but knew it was a matter of skillset; Integra was made to organize, plan, and lead, Seras was made to teach, be friendly, and uphold justice. Even if any of those actions took away parts of her humanity, which they did. Integra could hardly remember the little blonde who was too empathetic to drink blood, the blonde who Integra herself had to feed. Her heart fluttered a bit at that moment, though Integra didn’t pay it too much attention.

“Can we sit here for a moment?” She snapped out of her thoughts at Seras’ request.

“As you will it.” Integra absently replied, sitting beside the vampire. It was only then did she realize that they were by the lake, sitting on the bench Alucard had insisted become installed here.

 

_“Master, I truly would be grateful for a bench here.”_

_“Why at that spot? The clearing beside it is a lot more convenient.”_

_“It… it holds personal significance for me.”_

_“Might I ask why, Alucard?”_

_“I don’t feel comfortable in saying.”_

_Integra knew she could push, but chose not to. “...Very well.”_

_“Thank you, Master.”_

_“It is no problem. Happy Christmas, vampire.”_

 

“Did Alucard ever tell you why he wanted a bench here?” Integra asked.

Seras furrowed her brows. “He wanted this bench?”

“Supposedly he had a personal tie to that spot.” Integra said, watching Seras’ expression. Her face wrinkled in consideration - she clearly knew something - but she stayed silent. Integra, growing more curious by the moment, gently coughed, getting Seras’ mind back to the land of the living. “He requested it many Christmastimes ago.”

“Well… he did tell me once that he had taught the Queen to skip stones.” Seras slowly said, surprising Integra on many levels. For one, when was Alucard ever open enough to tell Seras about such things? For another, _Alucard taught the Queen to skip stones?_ Seras, noticing her Master’s confusion, elaborated. “He kept diaries, you know. Not during or after he was imprisoned before you took over, but he kept them through World War 1. I’ve been learning Romanian just to read them.” Integra blinked, surprised at the new information. Who knew Alucard kept diaries?

Well…. Integra should have known. She felt a bitterness crawl in her throat and die, as she watched the vampire. Seras fidgeted under the intenseness of Integra’s gaze, and while Integra felt a bit bad for making the other girl nervous, she couldn’t help but wish _she_ had been the one to look around Alucard’s room and learn about the man she knew her entire teen and adult life. Integra, after stepping one foot in Walter’s door and seeing his collection of Churchill’s letters, decided that the dead were dead and never stepped foot in Walter’s quarters or Alucard’s. None of the servants were to enter either as well.

She never restricted Seras, however, and perhaps that was why this occurred.

“Master?” Integra, of course, could not remain bitter at the vampire for long. “Master, is there something on your mind?”

Integra shook her head. “I’m simply tired, Police Girl.” Seras nodded, and placed a hand on Integra’s shoulder, squeezing gently in a gesture of comfort. Integra, however, wasn’t having those half measures. She was tired, damnit. She didn’t want to deal with this anymore.

“Seras, may I… may I rest on your lap?” Seras colored slightly at her words but nodded. Integra laid horizontally across the bench, using Seras’ lap as a pillow. She stared at the lake and the moon behind it blankly, her mind somehow both silent and racing with thoughts about Alucard and Walter and her father and her uncle and Seras as she used to be.

And then Seras’ hands began carding through her head and everything stopped. Integra couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched her in such a simply affectionate manner.

Seras, noticing her Master freeze, stopped. “No… please. Continue.” Seras nodded faintly and continued her absent stroking, her scarlet eyes never straying from Integra’s face, watching the myriad of emotions flow contort her features. Integra was stoic, yes, but her faintest of micro expressions were easy for Seras to read; she knew Integra well, after all these years. After all they’ve been through.

Seras was used to loss, and so was Integra. But it sure as hell didn’t make it easier.

“Master?” Seras called, making up her mind.

“Yes, Police Girl?”

“May… I sleep with you tonight? Simply sleep, for comfort? I have nightmares, you see…” Seras said. It was hardly the truth - Seras didn’t need to sleep all that much, and her nightmares were rarer and rarer as more and more of her grew numb. But she knew the stoic woman would benefit from her company, even if Integra Hellsing would die before admitting a want of comfort.

Integra’s heart leaped at Seras’ proposition as she felt a surge of want. She swallowed her gratitude and evened her voice and facial features - it wouldn’t do to show weakness. “If you so desire, Seras.”

Seras smiled. At least someone was there to stick with her, even when everyone else had left, even if all that remained of their tragedy and strife was simply the scarlet trail of the bloody tears Seras cried at night. “Thank you, my master.” She softly said.

They’d make it. She was sure of it. Somehow, everything would get better.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Hellsing
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
